For Better or For Worse...

“Better Late Than Never: Frederick woman walking down the aisle for the first time at 70.” That's what the headline read. As a 43 year old woman who has never been married nor is currently entertaining any prospects, I was intrigued. I read on.

The article begins that the bride “was never in a hurry to get married and didn't mind waiting.” Fabulous, I thought. Me neither. Might I have found a soul sister?

I read on. Girlfriend is not just getting married. She is doing the whole shebang. The bridal shower, the bachelorette party, the church ceremony, bridesmaids, and everything else you would find at your typical first wedding. After all, it IS her first wedding. All that hooplah isn't my cup of tea. I was lucky enough to have my princess moment thanks to pageantry, but who am I to judge? I read on.

The bride and groom met on an online dating site for seniors. She had been on the site for a while and communicated with, though never met, a few other men. She said she was “getting discouraged.”

OK, “soul sister” and I just had a parting of the ways. To be clear, I am not against online dating. However it was starting to occur to me that maybe our blushing bride HAD grown weary of waiting. It seemed like her dream of a princess moment had never really died... nor had it happened. I felt sorry and happy for her all at the same time.

I tell this story because my marital state is a frequent topic of conversation. “Why aren't you married?” It should be noted that typically my inquisitor is married and often they were whining about their spouse the week before and/or telling me how jealous they are of my single life. Thankfully I am acutely aware of the concept that “the grass is always greener on the other side.”

Both married and single lives have their highs and lows. What seems to confuse people is that the highs of one look an awful lot like the lows of the other. We singles are completely independent. The marrieds have someone upon whom to rely. Two sides of the same coin, no?

It's still a coin though, isn't it? No matter what side is up, the value remains the same. So why is it that, as a society, we value being married more than we value being single? You don't think we do? Would you mind reading that headline again? “Better Late Than Never.”

I don't buy it. I don't buy the concept that married is better than single. Nor is single better than married. They are states of equal value, not achievements.

Before the marrieds (include my mother and father who have been married for 47 years) start screaming, staying married IS an achievement. That requires dedication and work. So would staying single. Think about it. You would have to lock yourself up (emotionally, physically, or both) to guarantee lifelong single-hood. Maintaining either state over the long haul takes concerted effort.

I am making no effort in either direction. I'm not looking to get married nor am I trying to stay single. I'm taking life as it comes and am grateful for everything it has to offer.

So back to the question, “Why are you not married?” It's simple. Because I've never been married. Which is not to say that I won't be sometime in the future. Which is not to say that I will. I promise you this though, if I get married it won't be so miraculous as to require a headline.